Female Loneliness Epidemic

I’m Not Really Alone, I Just Feel Like It Sometimes

For years, I’ve convinced myself that I enjoy being alone. And honestly? I do. I really do. I love my space. I love disappearing. I want to rot in my bed all day. I’m such a loner, and I'm completely okay with it. Maybe I talk to myself sometimes, too, who knows? But really, I think I could survive being the last person alive on earth or in one of those isolation experiments. 

I've been learning to be okay. So yea, I'm okay! Or that's what I like to convince myself. I'm being dramatic. So yea, usually I'm okay with being by myself. Really, I prefer it.

I'm not alone because I have my mind, and she's fcking crazy; she keeps me entertained, and yep, I'm still alive so she's doing a great job. Actually, I've been trying to be okay with myself/love myself and I think I'm accomplishing it. 

Yesterday, I had a moment where I really felt alone, and I actually didn't like it at all? HA.

Basically, my friends weren’t answering my texts or snapping me back. They were busy, I get it. I just felt ignored overall. No one was answering me, and that made me feel like a loser. It wasn’t even that deep. They were just busy. 

I don't have many friends that I hang out with. I hang out with like only 3 people, but I keep them separate because introducing them has backfired. (Too much lore to explain right now) 

My best friend and my friend have been hanging out in my absence since I moved for college. I introduced them to each other. I regret it and am praying for their downfall. I know it's so evil, but I don't want to share my best friend. I don't want to feel like a third wheel, and I fear that they will get closer. 

I don't know why I'm feeling jealous. I think it's old feelings from high school.

The point is, they were both ignoring me because they were together, and if I hadn't tried to make us all friends, I wouldn't feel so alone right now. I'm even more evil because this was my own doing, lmao.

I know I shouldn't be jealous because like I'm hundreds of miles away but when I go back home, I want to hangout with my best friend, and my friend. I don't want them to be friends. 

Ah, anyway. Welcome to my blog. I'm not that evil, I promise.